Defense Secretary James Mattis: Today’s “Rodney Dangerfield” Comic Award Winner

During a recent (February 2018) White House briefing and only after donning a pair of official Trumpian Brand ™ Industrial Strength Knee Pads, Jimmy stated he was preparing options for a possible military parade to send to Donald “Trumporleone” Trump.

It is rumored that Jimmy’s options for The Great Leader to consider included him issuing an executive order requiring the Marine Corps to train at least 500 troops to perform “goose stepping” while marching in honor of one of America’s Premier Vietnam Wartime Heroes and Patriots.

Jimmy went on to tell the assembled reporters:

• "We're all aware in this country of the President's affection and respect for the military." Mattis said.
• "We've been putting together some options.”
• “We'll send them up to the White House for decision."

Jimmy continued with his comedy skit by saying:

• "The President's respect, his fondness for the military I think is reflected in him asking for these options."

How is it possible for a 5-Time Draft Dodging Momma’s Boy to have fondness for a military that he refused to serve in?

Hopefully, The Great Leader and/or one of his Designated Toadies has reimbursed Jimmy for the repeated costs he has incurred in purchasing tubes of Industrial Strength ChapStick.