Donald “Small Hands Donnie” Trump issues additional distancing order

After Governors Gavin Newsome of California, Andrew Cuomo of New York and Mike DeWine of Ohio issued distancing orders, The Great Leader belatedly agreed with them and other governors in advising folks to stay at least 6-feet from each other when they are out and about.

Several unreliable and anonymous sources have stated that as a  self-described “Wartime President” and a “hands on” kind of guy who is only concerned about the welfare of all Americans, The Great Leader is about to issue an order to further limit the spread of the Coronavirus, which is as follows:

• “Any and all persons, married or otherwise that are thinking about engaging in any sexual conduct whatsoever, are hereby commanded to remain at least nine (9) inches from their partner.”
• “Anyone person or persons caught violating this order will be subject to a $5,000 fine and a prison sentence of no less than one year.”

Update: Just received word from another anonymous/unreliable source that once Stormy Daniels heard of The Great Leader’s nine-inch distancing order, she sent out the following tweet to Small Hands Donnie.

“Hey Stubby, your small-minded distancing

order is gonna be hard on your future sex life.”