ABA (American Bar Assn announces events for 2012 Special Olympics for Attorneys

After enjoying a record turnout for the 2008 special olympics for attorneys held in Bowling Green, Ohio, the American Bar Association proudly announces the following schedule of olympian events to be held in 2012 in Stockton, California.

William Tell Archery Event – This event is limited to victims of attorney misfits shooting at attorney targets. Hitting the apple is an automatic disqualification. 

Bunji Jumping Event – Attorney contestants are provided with 100-foot long bungi chords and are given two chances to jump from a platform onto a designated concrete landing zone 75 below. We anticipate that this event will again be a smashing success.

Ambulance Chasing Event– After an eight-year hiatus, and after receipt of thousands of requests from attorney throughout the country, we decided to bring back this popular event. The 2012 winner will receive exclusive access to the passenger list of the next airliner to crash in the United States.

Javelin Tossing Event – In this event, the competitors attempt to see how far they can toss their “Mont Blanc” pens. The last winner of this event, ex-U.S. Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez was disqualified. After taking the mandatory urine test, it was discovered that Alberto was taking illegal steroids.

Olympic Decathlon Event - This grueling three-day event tests the skills of the countries most accomplished attorneys in several highly competitive sports, which are:

• The Client Escrow Account Raid: - When the bank says no, go Escrow
• Conflict of Interest: – It’s not a conflict if ya don’t tell
• Bribing jurors: – Share the wealth with the less fortunate
• Fondling clients: – Be a hands-on lawyer
• Witness intimidation: – Show-em who’s the boss