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Uncle Dave’s Top 10 tips for males seeking long term marriages
Since I’ve been married to the same woman for 48-years, I felt obliged to provide the secrets of my success to all you young whippersnappers (aka, dudes, young bucks, jackanapes, youngins). By the way guys, I didn’t misspell jackanapes, it really isn’t three words lumped together. Now fellers, its time for Uncle Dave’s Top Ten Tips, which if you follow to a “T” may well lead to many, many years of marital bliss.
- Remember that “wife” is synonymous with supervisor, boss, task-master, overseer, foreperson, and/or honcho, and don’t you forget it.
- Respond quickly and respectfully to any name your wife calls you no matter how profane.
- Don’t forget that the wife is always, and I mean always right.
- Wives never make mistakes and in that rare instance when they do, it’ll be your fault. Cheerfully express that it was your fault and offer an appropriate apology.
- Remember your wife isn’t a substitute for your Mom – she’s your boss.
- For your wife’s birthday, don’t ever buy some household appliance. The gift must be of a personal nature.
- When given orders to perform a menial task (Is there another kind?) respond respectfully by saying “Yes Mam” or “Right away Sweetie Pie.”
- When the wife asks you a question ending with “I’m right, right?” quickly respond by saying something like “of course you’re right, sweetheart.”
- When out and about with your betrothed (task master) and you come upon a young, attractive girl wearing a halter top and no bra, don’t stare at her, feign indignation and say “My goodness, that girl has no shame, right Sweetie? This BS comment will allow you sufficient time to gawk without suffering any consequences.
- When the boss tells you her Mom is arriving from Cleveland and staying for three weeks, act as though your thoroughly delighted and thrilled beyond words.
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