"William Tell" Archery Event”

This event is limited to victims shooting at attorneys.  Hitting the apple is an automatic disqualification.

After the 2000 event we received thousands of complaints from attorney-victims in attendance that they were dissatisfied with the outcome of the competition.  The outrage came about because out of 250 shots only 245 hit the unintended target (the apple).  The complainants demanded that the apple be replaced with a grape so that future competitions would be fairer. 

All Archer Positions Are Filled For the 2010, 2016 and 2020 Special Olympics!

Bungee Jumping Event

Contestants are provided with 100 foot long Bungee cords and given two chances (if their first attempt is unsuccessful) to jump from a platform onto a designated concrete landing zone 75 feet below. 

We anticipate that this even will be a “smashing success.”

Caution:  Judges/Attorneys suffering from obesity should forgo this competition.  Unfortunately, Judge Steve Yarbrough of Toledo , Oho didn’t adhere to our advice as evidenced by a photo of his landing.

Ambulance Chasing Event

Back by popular demand and much anticipated.  The winner of this years event will get exclusive excess to the passenger list of the next airliner to crash in the United States

Document Shredding Event

Competitors are given 3 minutes to shred 500 pounds of incriminating documents.  The winner receives 10,000 shares of Enron Corporation and a weekend with Bernie Ebbers.

Javelin Toss

In this event, the competitors are required to see how far they can toss their “ Mont Blanc ” pens.  Our last winner, Johnny Cochran told the media that he had spent hundreds of hours at the gym muscling up for this grueling event. 

Unfortunately, when Johnny was required to take the mandatory urine test, it was discovered that he was taking illegal drugs.

When confronted with the evidence, Johnny responded by claiming that these were nothing more than off-the-shelf muscle enhancers he received as a Christmas gift from Barry Bonds.

Sadly for Johnny, a photograph of the steroids being delivered to him proved he was lying. 

Upon viewing the photographic evidence, F. Lee Bailey said, “If the needle fits, you cannot acquit.”

Olympic Decathlon Event

Pits the country’s most accomplished attorneys in 10 competitive sports.

           The Judicial Bribe, “The gavel; an auctioneer’s tool”

    The Client Escrow Account Raid, “When the bank says no-go Escrow”

    Conflicts of Interest, “It’s not a conflict if you don’t tell”

    Frivolous lawsuits, “Innovation pays off”

    Jury bribes, “Share the wealth with the less fortunate”

    Witness intimidation, “Show-em who’s the Boss”

    Double-billing Clients, “Double your pleasure/double your fun”

    Fondling clients, “Be a hands-on-lawyer”

    Fixing cases, “Reliable partners needed to win this event”

Tug of War Event

 This novel competition pits two lawyers against a widow who is pursuing a wrongful death claim involving her husband.  

The competitors pull on the widow’s arms until she is pulled across the finish line.   

The winner is awarded a 95% contingent fee contract on the widow’s wrongful death claim.

Dodge Ball

In this competition, judges are flung at attorney wallets.  When a direct hit is made, the winner receives 25 winning verdicts from the offending judge.