► Mitt Romney qualifies for 2012 Summer Olympic Events Print

Mitt Romney qualifies for 2012 Summer Olympic Events

As a consequence of his position in leading the 2002 Winter Olympics in Salt Lake City, Mitt obviously had the inside track in qualifying for several events in the upcoming 2012 Summer Olympics being held in London, England.
The Olympic Committee recently notified Mitt that he has qualified for the events listed below.
  1. Javelin Toss – target is Obama w/apple on his head – hitting apple automatic disqualifier
  2. Gymnastic Tumbling – witness Mitt magically tumbling from one position to another
  3. Greco Roman Wresting – watch in amazement as Mitt grapples with the truth
  4. 200 meter flip-flop hurdles – view Mitt flipping and flopping his way down the course
  5. 100 meter dash – it’s a dash to Switzerland to open secret bank account
  6. Pole vault – behold the wonder of Mitt attempting to vault over an 8 foot stack of $100 bills contributed by anonymous donors
  7. Reverse dive in the Tuck Position – watch in awe as Mitt summersaults and reverses position on healthcare mandate
In celebrating Mitt’s dedicated service to the Olympics, the Olympic Committee has announced the following in honor of Mitt.
  1. A newly minted coin to be used for flipping purposes in various contests - Heads: An engraved Mitt in his pro-abortion stance / Tails: Mitt in his anti-abortion stance 
  2. A bronze sculpture of Mitt standing far to the left of former Sen. Ted Kennedy
Souvenir coins and a miniature sculpture are being offered by the Romney campaign for contributions of $500 and $1,000 respectively, which are of course treated as tax deductable charitable donations.