Trump announces events for 2018 Sex Abusers Olympics

In an overt attempt to appease his fellow sexual assaulters, child molesters, misogynists, and/or sexual harassers, an unreliable source indicated that Donald “Trumporleone” Trump is about to announce the first ever “2018 Sex Abusers Olympics” to be held at his Mar-a-Lago estate and resort in Palm Beach, Florida.

All participants if this prestigious inaugural Olympic event will be required to stay at a luxury room at Mar-a-Lago for the discounted price of $750 per night. Since the event will take five days to complete, the room cost per participant will be $3,750, which includes one free cup of coffee and one plain bagel for breakfast for the first two days.

The competitive events will include the following:

1. 100-meter race: involves dash to grab a designated pussy
2. Hammer throw: competitors have their hammers tossed by designated congressman
3. Pole vault: competitors vault over and land on top of designated woman
4. Shot Put: competitors heave condoms loaded with sugar
5. 110-meter hurdles: competitors hurdle over three women w/o sexually assaulting them
6. Javelin: contestants throw dildo at designated female targets

The winners in any of above inaugural events will be awarded prizes of their choice. The winners will be permitted to choose from the rather novel prizes listed below.

• 55 pussy grabs at Mar-a-Lago
• 10 dates with underage teenage girls
• 6-month supply of Industrial Strength Viagra
• 4 free penis pumps with batteries included
• 12 free Blowup Dolls to celebrate the 12 days of Christmas

It is rumored that The Great Leader is going to award exclusive television rights to this prestigious even to the Fox News Comedy Network and that the host will be Fox’s resident comedian Sean Hannity.

For additional post-election articles re: The Don visit the articles below

1. Trump miscellaneous articles: Art. 2 thru 57 Dawg Opinions
2. Trump’s victims of Draining the Swamp: Art. 58 thru 68 Dawg Opinions
3. Trump Filling the Swamp: Art. 69 thru 74 Dawg Opinions
4. Trump miscellaneous articles: Art. 304 thru 319 Dawg Opinions 
5. Dawg Laments: Art. 2 thru 4
6. Bigot/Racist Awards: Art. 305 thru 311
7. Trump Bullshit Awards: Art. 364 thru 427
8. Trump Liar Awards: Art. 1 thru 47 Liar Awards
9. Lunatic Awards: Art. 323 thru 329
10. Moron Awards: Art. 230 thru 237
11. Narcissist Awards: Art. 6 thru 12
12. Screwball Awards: Art. 274 thru 276
13. Rodney Dangerfield Awards: Art. 201 thru 212