► Dick "Big Dick" Cheney bio Print E-mail

 Dick "Big Dick" Cheney Bio

 

WMD - Weapons of Mass Destruction

Left Coast Liberals have consistently asserted that no “weapons of mass destruction” [WMD] was ever found in Iraq. Although this may be true to some extent, it doesn’t ameliorate and/or disprove Big Dick’s later claim that “weapons of minimal destruction” [WMD] were in fact found.

 

     Draft Dodging 101

Big Dick was an avid and righteous supporter of the Vietnam War; however, he decided, and rightfully so that it was in the country’s best interest that he evade the draft and remain in college. Toward that end, Big Dick made numerous sacrifices for his country and fellowman by applying for and receiving five draft deferments.  

 
Big Dick’s Downtime Requirements

During his tenure as President, I’m sorry I mean Vice-President, Big Dick demanded that when he was traveling that his servants (that’d be government employees), forward a copy of what was to be provided in his hotel suite. Those demands from Big Dick are as follows:

  •       Queen or King size bed (in connecting room to the parlor)
  •       Private bathroom
  •       All lights turned on
  •       All televisions tuned to FOX news
  •       Microwave
  •       Container for ice
  •       Bottled water (4-6 bottles – No Perrier)
  •       Diet Caffeine free Sprite (4 cans)
Unreliable sources indicate that this isn’t really Big Dick’s laundry list of hotel demands. Luckily, I obtained a copy from an anonymous source who resides in Greenwich Village and it goes like this:
  •       Vibrating King Size bed
  •       Private bath with bidet (in case Wolfowitz drops by)
  •       All lights turned down really low
  •       All televisions tuned to Keith Olbermann (MSNBC), Daly Show, Lil’ Bush and the Playboy Channel
  •       Bottled water – (enough for water-boarding)
  •       Whips, handcuffs, nipple clamps and chains
  •       Marquis de Sade Bible
Big Dick’s Heroic Accomplishments
       How lucky were we that Big Dick was able to obtain 5 deferments during the Vietnam War? Well I’ll tell ya how lucky we were! If he was shipped off to Vietnam he could have easily been killed or even worse suffered some mental malady. And if that had happened, we would never have been the recipients (winners) of the following Big Dick Largesse nor would we have enjoyed any of the following outcomes.
  •       Iraq wouldn’t be living in a prosperous democracy
  •       Gas would be $1 instead of $3 thereby unconstitutionally denying Big Oil the opportunity to screw us and reap huge and deserved profits
  •       Your email would only be read by those you sent it to instead of being enjoyed by hundreds of others
  •       Your phone calls wouldn’t be properly monitored to assure quality service from A T&T or Sprint
  •       That left-wing liberal, bleeding heart, traitor Valerie Plame would still be working for the CIA
  •       Scooter Libby would be bunking with Clarice (he used to go by the name of Ralph) at Leavenworth
  •       Clarence Thomas would be a salesman for Coca Cola
  •   George W. would have really been the President
Big Dick Pimping for an Imperial Presidency
For years (post Nixon era) Big Dick has rightfully lobbied for an Imperial Presidency. In Big Dick’s mind the Congress (people) has absolutely no right to interfere with any decision-making by the President. Put simply, Big Dick believes in the King George theory of ruling the masses (that’d be us). Over the years, Big Dick has righteously espoused the following:
  •       Limiting the public’s rights under the Freedom of Information Act [e.g., it’s none of your goddamn bidness what we’re up too]
  •       Opposed limits on illegal eavesdropping [it’s not illegal if the King does it, right Big Dick?]
  •       Said the Wars Power act was unconstitutional [Big Dick says, F _ _ k Congress]
In defending George W’s attack on Iraq and further espousing an Imperial Presidency, Big Dick said:
  •       By creating a defense department, Congress had already given prior approval” for a president to declare war when and where he pleased.
  •       “We (Congress) have appropriated the funds and raised the army and purchased the equipment and built the missiles and the bombers, and the president has the authority to make decisions about how to use those things.”
And Big Dick is right, right? If some slimy, dwarfish commie bastard in Venezuela (President Hugo Chavez) calls George W. the “devil” George W. should have the absolute right to nuke the son-of-a-bitch, right?
It’s not George W’s fault that Congress approved funding for the B-1 Bomber, cluster bombs, napalm, nukes and other assorted armaments, true? What in the hell did these losers expect when they provided George W. with the opportunity to play G.I. Joe and take on the role of The Terminator?
Why shouldn’t George W. have the absolute right to nuke the homes of those that clearly pose “a grave and gathering threat” to the United States like some of the following traitors and God haters?
  •       Nancy Pelosi’s residence in San Francisco
  •       The residence of George Soros
  •       Jimmy Carter’s home in Georgia
  •       Michael Moore and Susan Sarandon’s homes in Hollywood
  •       Al Franken’s residence in Minnesota
  •       The homes of Rachel Maddow and more importantly Keith Olbermann
  •       Ex. Georgia Senator Max Cleland
And George W. and his minions shouldn’t have any trouble locating any
of these unpatriotic losers since their phones are likely being rightfully tapped and/or their emails intercepted.
And last but not least, didn’t George W. have a duty to attack Iraq and get rid of Saddam after he tried to kill his Daddy? Only a sissy (Murtha comes to mind) would argue that George W. didn’t have a constitutional right to spend $1 trillion or more and expend the lives of thousands of Americans to get even with someone that tried to kill Daddy, right?
Thank God for Benevolent Conservatives and god-fearing, born-again Christian patriots like Big Dick. Let’s hear it for the sacrifices put forth by Big Dick!

 

 
 

 

 

 
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