Gov. John Kasich (R-OH): Today’s “Ass-Kisser” Award Winner

Congratulations to….

Gov. John Kasich (R-OH)

Today’s “Ass-Kisser” Award Winner

After graduating from Ohio State University in 1974, Johnny had his significant snout firmly implanted in the public trough for 30 out of the next 39 years. After consuming public pork for 18 years (1983-2001) as a U.S. congressman, Johnny went to work as a comedian on the Fox News Comedy Network.

Sheldon Adelson is multi-billionaire ($39 billion) casino owner who spent nearly $100 million supporting losers like Newt Gingrich for the 2012 GOP presidential nomination.

During the March 2015 conference of the Republican Jewish Coalition held at Sheldon Adelson’s Venetian Casino and Hotel in Las Vegas, Sheldon invited Johnny, a potential 2016 presidential candidates to appear before him in order to kiss his ring.

Prior to appearing before Sheldon, Johnny visited First Place Sporting Goods on North Rainbow Blvd in Las Vegas to purchase a pair of Industrial Strength Knee Pads.

Johnny was well aware that he had to compete with former Gov. Jeb Bush (R-FL), Gov. Scott Walker and Gov. Chris Christie (R-NJ) to curry favor and receive several hundred million shekels from Sheldon.

During his speech to the 300 or so attendees in Vegas, Johnny genuflected numerous times in an unabashed attempt to kiss King Sheldon’s substantial ass. Towards that end, Johnny spewed forth the following Sheldonite ass-kissing statement. (Cleveland Plain Dealer)

“Hey, listen, Sheldon, thanks for inviting me. And I want to thank all of you for giving me a chance to come here to speak. I don’t travel to these things much, but this was one that I thought was really, really important. God bless you for what you do.” (Time for some industrial strength ChapStick)

Johnny went on to perform some additional Sheldon ass-kissing by commenting on balancing the budget and cutting taxes and Ohio as a place of opportunity as set forth below. (Cleveland Plain Dealer)

• “Say Sheldon and I own a restaurant together – this would be an impossibility – but let’s just say he and I owned a restaurant together, and we had no customers. So I call him upand say, 'Hey Sheldon, I’ve got the answer … let’s raise our prices. In fact we had to cut our prices.”
• “So in Ohio, we’re no longer a flyover, Sheldon. We want you to come. We want you to invest, and we want you to get to know us because Ohio really is the heart of it all. And it’s the place of miracles. Just think about the University of Dayton in the Elite 8.”

Hopefully, Sheldon will be reimbursing Johnny for his purchase of Industrial Strength ChapStick. And if not, Johnny’s government-funded health insurance policy may cover the costs.

The mere fact that Johnny finds it acceptable to genuflect before Sheldon for the sole purpose of pocketing 300 million or more shekels should disqualify him from becoming president.

Anyone with an I.Q. in the lower triple-digits well knows that Sheldon isn’t going to invest a $100 million (American) or 300 million shekels (Israeli currency) on Johnny or anyone else unless he is assured that his investment is going to reap personal dividends for King Sheldon.

Congrats Johnny; keep up the good work! We should let everyone know of your amazing record as one of Americas Least Appreciated “Ass-Kissers’”; you are far too humble.