Watchdog’s Duties during Coronavirus outbreak

Due to the ongoing Coronavirus outbreak and its ability to cause severe outcomes to senior citizens (I be one), I thought it would be prudent to write down the restrictions imposed upon me by my wife.

Because of the constant warnings I receive on an almost daily basis from the three daughters, five grandsons, one granddaughter and others, I decided to write a letter to my two grandsons setting forth the rules I’m forced to comply with for the unknowable future. That letter is as follows.

March 16, 2020

TO:  Nathaniel and Nicholas

FROM: Mr. Papa 

Dear Nathaniel and Nicholas:

How are you guys doing now that you can’t go to school?

Because of the Coronavirus Grandma and I have been forced to stay home. For me, this means the following.

Things I’m now forced to miss

• No more NBA Basketball games
• No more College Basketball March Madness (exception being Donald Trump)
• No more preseason Baseball Games
• No more eating at my favorite Sushi restaurant
• Not being able to drink Corona Beer

Things I’m now forced to do

• Play with the Play Dough that Lennon left here
• Use the crayons and coloring books that were in the closet
• Count the stitches while I watch Grandma knit
• Count the number of raindrops falling in 10 minutes on the driveway outside my window
• Because there’s no ESPN, Grandma makes me watch the Home Shopping Network
• Since we can’t shop for detergent to wash dirty clothes, Grandma is making me turn my underwear inside out and then outside in
• Grandma makes me prepare my own breakfast by making me (1) poor my own glass of milk, (2) butter my own toast, (3) carry my prepared food from the kitchen all the way to the table in the living room, and (4) place my dirty dishes in the sink
• Grandma makes me do the hard work of plugging in the vacuum so she can vacuum the rug
• I must place empty 1-gallon jars outside to catch the rain since we can’t go to Costco to buy drinking water
• Grandma has ordered me to use both sides of the toilet paper so that we don’t run out anytime soon

I sure hope this Coronavirus goes away real soon so I can get back to doing what I do best, which is watch sports on TV.

Love,  

Grandpa