► Mustang Ranch announces temporary closure due to Coronavirus Print E-mail

Mustang Ranch announces temporary closure due to Coronavirus


Several unreliable and anonymous sources have indicated that due to the contagious nature and community spread of the Coronavirus that Lance Gilman, owner of the Mustang Ranch has ordered that it be temporarily closed to the public until at least the end of May 2020.


Mr. Gilman acknowledged that the closure would likely place a hardship on his many, many satisfied customers. Gilman has recommended that in the interim that they engage in a little self help over the next several months.


Additionally, recognizing that his customers may well find themselves a little depressed during the closure, he is recommending that to raise their spirits that they think about taking some uppers either physician prescribed or purchased by vendors on a street corner.


Uppers would include legal amphetamines such as Dexedrine, Adderall, Biphetamine and Vyvanse. Offerings from street vendors would include Speed, Black Beauties, LA Turnaround and/or Hearts, which can be taken orally, crushed and smoked, snorted or injected.


Mr. Gilman expressed optimism that when he can reopen the Ranch that it will raise the spirits of his long-suffering customers.


Lets all give a hand to Mr. Gilman for his display of humanity at a time of a health crisis.


And lastly, upon learning of Mr. Gilman’s humanitarian efforts, Donald “Trumporleone” Trump, The Great Leader, expressed his appreciation during a Whitehouse briefing, and asked those in attendance to rise and clap in honor of Mr. Gilman’s conduct.



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