► 2017 Donald “Trumporleone” Trump Olympics Print E-mail

2017 Donald “Trumporleone” Trump Olympics 

The Don and his comrades have announced the First Anal, I’m sorry I mean First Bi-Annual

 

 Trumporleone Olympics (FATO). The Fox News Comedy Network was the successful bidder for the exclusive broadcasting rights. Losing bidders included the following stalwarts of the media.

  • All-Russia State Television and Radio Broadcasting Company
  • The Central Broadcasting Committee of North Korea
  • Islamic Republic of Iran Broadcasting Network
  • The Comedy Network

The Don is confident that viewership worldwide will easily eclipse the 1.0 billion folks worldwide that tuned in to watch the 2014 World Cup final between Germany v. Argentina, and if it doesn’t he’s indicated a willingness to lie about it.

 

This one-day event will be held on April 1, 2017 every odd numbered year. The 2017 event will take place on the campus of Georgetown University in Washington, DC. 

 

All contestants and their family members will be required to stay at the Trump International Hotel Washington D.C. Since the event will likely draw a larger crowd then the inauguration, room rates at The Don’s DC hotel will remain same ($1,000 to $2,500 a night). However, The Don has authorized a reduction of the room rates by 1.1% for his low and middle income supporters

 

Some of the unique and grueling events scheduled for the 2017 Don Trumporleone Olympics are:

 

Liberal Roping: In this event, the Trumpilian contestant (Trump Groupie) rides on a horse in a timed event and catches a Liberal Loser from San Francisco by throwing a loop of rope (preferably hemp) from a lariat around the liberal’s neck, dismounts from the horse, runs to the loser, and restrains him/her by tying two legs or more together, in as short a time as possible.

 

Unethical Dwarf Tossing: In this event, the contestants compete to see how far they can toss an unethical politician dressed in his undies onto a mattress made from a mixture of steel wool and thumbtacks. Judges for this event are: Tom Delay, Jack Abramoff and Bernie Madoff.

 

William Tell Archery Event: This event is limited to victims of Hillary shooting at members of her campaign. Hitting the apple is an automatic disqualification.

 

Javelin Tossing Event: In this event, the competitors attempt to see how far they can toss their “Mont Blanc” pens. In the qualifying round, former Mayor Rudi Giuliani was disqualified. After taking the mandatory urine test, it was discovered that Rudy was taking illegal steroids.

 

Olympic Decathlon Event: This grueling even is limited to members of The Don’s advisors, public relation gurus and members of his cabinet, and involves several highly competitive sports, some of which are:

  • Conflict of Interests:– It’s not a conflict if ya don’t tell
  • Accepting Bribes:– Share the wealth with the less fortunate
  • Fondling staff members:– Be a hands-on public official
  • Reporter intimidation:– Show-em who’s the boss

We hope to see you and yours at this inaugural Olympian event. Reservations can be made online by going to www.I’maloser.com

 
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